


Breathe No More

by Laviente



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Deep Emotional Feeling, M/M, Sad Ending, Song Lyrics, This Is Definitely Not For The Weak Hearted, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 17:15:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laviente/pseuds/Laviente
Summary: --This was it. It was over. There was no going back, no going forward, only into that of oblivion and attempting to delay the inevitable would only make the parting of ways that much more difficult. His candle had been steadily waxing lower and his flame ready to go out. To be extinguished forever.--Dark themed Chrollo x Kurapika one shot that expresses the depths of the emotional.





	Breathe No More

**Author's Note:**

> It has been an awfully long time since I had written anything heavily angst based or highly dark themed. But I really needed a way to vent my emotional distress, so here you go. 
> 
> This is a classic song fic which I believe is not as common place anymore. But I felt it would fit the theme of what I was attempting to convey so, please enjoy a short story centered around this type of writing style.
> 
> Would be best read in conjunction with listening to the song it was derived from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjX81xl8dzg

_** Breathe No More ** _

 

 

It started with hushed whispers, the feeling of soft touches, the wavering sensation of falling between conscious and illusion and the fact that he, who had once been so strong in will, strenuous in fortitude and determinate in conviction was now shattering, every last ounce of vitality ebbing away while the comfort of a strong embrace kept him from completely finding the darkness.

 

How quickly he had fallen. The timing of his attacks, the precision of his accuracy, the methodical steps in his pacing and yet, all had been for naught.  Into the shadows of the night, beneath the invocation of the blood red moon, long after the ravens echoed their calls of the foresworn and their soon descent into condemnation, where hearts bled and one’s faint words speaking of their demise held the true testament of a dying person’s wish. Sealed within the kiss of a cursed soul, in the midst of rancor and madness, where no one dared tread and yet he, one set of angelic grace and purity so easily slipped into the convent of darkness.

 

Such mistakes, consequences of choices and now here he lay, felled in battle, a product of one’s own _impudence_.

 

If only he had listened to Chrollo.

 

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long,_

_That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side._

_All the little pieces falling, shatter_.

 

He was numb. The wash of its bitter caress was gliding up and along his skin and drawing him deeper into a comforting sanctity. Its allure was so great, so welcoming, almost like a disease and yet, _and yet_ , the desire to succumb to its call was beyond immense and he felt no need to resist. Even when he noticed that weak smile, the one that Kurapika had come to adore and love so well, though it held just as much sorrow, even those dark eyes that had enraptured him also mirrored his own sentiment, the very same emotional turmoil he was now, painfully suffering.

 

But there was no going back. He knew the end was nigh, that his sonata was coming to a close and while he wasn't entirely ready to let go, the tears falling in rivulets of sadness as the streams left trails along his slowly palling visage couldn't ultimately change the inevitable. It was so hard, _oh so hard_ , and Kurapika choked out a sob. Was this really how it was going to be? That this was truly where they would say good-bye? That everything prior to now, to this fateful moment had not garnered either of them any solace?

 

"I am so sorry." The utterance was so quiet, so weak, breaking him as the words slipped past blue hued lips.

 

_Shards of me,_

_Too sharp to put back together._

_Too small to matter,_

_But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces._

_If I try to touch her,_

 

"Don't try to speak. Everything will be okay." But it won't, and Chrollo knew this, even as he fought the agonizing pull of letting his own barriers fully crumble. Just the sound of those raspy breaths and the strained look upon Kurapika's countenance, the light slowly fading from those entrancing blue eyes, and the broken feathers descending around them, it made Chrollo's heart want to break. _Or was it already broken_? It was as if he was watching everything around them growing evanescent, taking everything away from him. History was simply repeating itself.

 

Why did it have to come to this?

 

Did it have to be him? Kurapika, as the one to pay the ultimate price?

 

Was this to be Chrollo's emolument? That fate decided this was the only way for Chrollo to pay?

 

Why couldn't it have been him instead...?

_And I bleed,_

_I bleed,_

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe no more._

 

It was still a hard thing to accept. Watching what he had loved so much being taken away from him, and that he knew too, it was the same for his blond as well. The warmth, it was leaving Kurapika, just like the blood that soaked his clothes and Chrollo holding on in desperation while those arms were cradling that smaller frame, believing if he held on tight enough he could stop the process from ever happening. But no, this was absolution. The heavens had cried and it was in herald for the one who had tried to remain so pure.

 

"There is no need to be sorry. Please don't go blaming yourself."

 

But Kurapika felt otherwise. As difficult as that reality was to accept, he wouldn't be staring down the eyes of the reaper if he had just learned to let go and stopped living in the past while clinging to useless and obsessive fantasies. But the wounds to his pride were like that which now adorned his body, all because he was just too damn stubborn. He had to charge ever so blindly, just as he had in the past and done so this time which inflicted a lethal outcome. Now he was being dealt the ultimate penalty.

 

Even as the blood and roses stained the ground, the remnants of what he had held so precious lay strewn and broken around him, it didn't bring cessation to the fact that at least he had at one time known what the taste of happiness was like. _Though such was now a fleeting memory_.

 

_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well._

_Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child._

_Lie to me,_

_Convince me that I've been sick forever._

 

"I know." Kurapika could barely speak, barely feel himself anymore. The weakness telling him that he was coming closer to the awaiting gates which sat open, its song so concordant and calming, and continuously made his mind abate. _Soothing. Placating. Tranquil. Home_. But this was home, was it not? Here, with Chrollo? The very one of whom had shown him how to forget. _To live. To move on. To... Be_. But no, as much as the design of such a life held those pretty images in his mind, that its vision was perfect and grand, he simply couldn't accept. Well, he did until now because for as much as he hated himself for it, that he had allowed himself to become so taken with the one person who in the beginning had caused him all his suffering and misery, the very same who had given him everything and shown him he had it all was the same person he was inexorably leaving behind, and it hurt. _It hurt so badly_.

 

Is this why he now hated himself?

 

Again he tried to smile, to hide his affliction, to try and save Chrollo from anymore heartache, to save himself from the knowledge of what was actually coming, and to staunch the sadness and grief from panging his gradually slowing heart. Fingers arose weakly, their tips finding their way against the softness of Chrollo's cheek, and even though he knew it'd not be enough, any consolation he could offer the other would be enough to ease his own germinating guilt.

 

_And all of this,_

_Will make sense when I get better._

_but I know the difference,_

_Between myself and my reflection._

 

So beautiful. The light, so white so... Warm. _Beckoning_. It was hard to remain in the current, to hold on and refute the ethereal, every part of him crying for release, that in these dire moments where suffering was prolonged, that watching the despair contort Chrollo's face, the same person which his own heart still fluttered for even while in his final moments, caused him more anguish then he cared to admit. _Oh how he loathe it_. Those tears which he had never seen before exit the damns from Chrollo's eyes, the profession of his humanity; it was one thing that gave Kurapika any semblance of comfort during this trying time.

 

"Please forgive me. Forgive me that I could not have offered you more. That it had to come to this."

 

A finger came to quite Kurapika's slowly dying words. It made him want to cry all the more. Chrollo had shed tears only a scant few times, one being after the deaths of Uvogin and Pauknoda. However now, as he watched the one person who had changed his life and his heart was now shriveling away before his own eyes had coaxed those tears to flow in thick steams, leaving the raven-haired man a sobbing mess, "Save your strength. Don't talk." He knew; knew that deep down even for Chrollo, his own heart was aching and that the pretty little lie he was trying to tell himself was finally dispelling itself, another affirmation that hope had long since perished. Just like he was going to.

 

_I just can't help but to wonder,_

_Which of us do you love?_

_So I bleed,_

_I bleed,_

 

But Chrollo had tried, or wanted to try. Watching Kurapika go, seeing the life he struggled so hard to protect, to save, the very one thing that had ended up being his retribution, but in turn, his salvation was deteriorating, crumbling away, and with it, shattering his own morality. How Kurapika had managed to affect him so, Chrollo may never know. It was tearing him apart, ripping him asunder, and eroding him from the inside out, the red thick upon his own hands as it had always been. Just like now as he slowly pulled away one hand from where the finality was placed upon Kurapika as his judgment, the flesh returned stained with the Kurta's own life force. Just the very sight of it caused Chrollo to want to _break_.

 

Such a kind and compassionate gesture only eased Kurapika further into that gripping comfort, the fingers of death creeping further up along him, along his spine. He could no longer feel himself, especially the sensation he had but moments before, of Chrollo stroking his hair, the gradual tightening of his embrace or just how intense the aura was of Chrollo's Nen. None of that reached him now. He was too far gone, beyond the capabilities of his own skills; even Heal Chain did not hold the power to keep his soul from ascension, now.

 

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe no..._

_Bleed,_

_I bleed,_

 

This was it. It was over. There was no going back, no going forward, only into that of oblivion and attempting to delay the inevitable would only make the parting of ways that much more difficult. His candle had been steadily waxing lower and his flame ready to go out. To be extinguished _forever_. But this would not be the end. No. "I just want you to know that I thank you for everything, that I," Kurapika paused, voice now just barely above a whisper as he willed every last part of him to utter the remainder of what he wished to say before departing, "Love you. Always have. Despite I never was honest enough to admit it." _So painful. So distressing. So tormenting_. Even the myriad of emotions that flickered behind Chrollo's own eyes spoke of a mutual sentiment, that Kurapika knew the other had always felt that way, even if Kurapika himself, had never been too open with own feelings.

 

"I know." Chrollo began, one of his hands having now cupped the Kurta's cheek, stroking it soothingly, his own voice strained. “I have always known. Though I do not fault you for your decision, it has never changed how I've always felt about you," The raven-head breathed, prepared for the ultimate outcome. For the closing to a chapter he wished he could only continue to write, to see the story continue. But it wasn't written in the stars, was it? "And the fact remains that you have and will always be the best thing that has happened to me. My greatest treasure, my greatest achievement, and the greatest thing I have acquired, stolen. I may be a thief at the core, but your heart, having won that has been the grandest thing I have ever held, and it is something I will eternally cherish."

 

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe,_

_I breathe_

_I breathe no more_.

 

For a moment all Kurapika could do was remain virtually silent - the utterance of Chrollo's words had not only stunned him into stillness, but the one thing that could not be held back was the dispelling of his own tears. The hot, salty liquid continued to make its trek over ashen cheeks, a concluding professing of adoration that was long since in coming. How much he regretted not being more open with his feelings, that it took until this very moment, this last agonizing point in time where he was teetering on the edge of life for him to realize just exactly how much Chrollo truly meant to him. Why had he lied to himself about it all this time? Why did he wait until now to have such an epiphany? A strained sob wracked from his injured chest, the very same place where the fatal blow had been placed, and he coughed again, causing another trickle of crimson to leak from the corner of his mouth.

 

"God I am so, so sorry." He spoke again weakly, barely able to talk anymore. Gradually, his eyes began slipping closed, trying to hide away the view of Chrollo's painfully stricken expression, breath labored. He was so close now, finding his attachment to the mortal plane etiolating away, his strength wan. "I wish I had... Told you sooner. I wish I never kept... How I felt for you a secret until... Now." His own soul was breaking, coming undone at the seams and the last thing he would see was the hurt in Chrollo's eyes, "Please... Please don't... Forget about me." Such finality to his words, not wishing to evaporate from memory and in his last waking moments, where the lines between life and death were blurring, Kurapika took comfort knowing that one day, _one sweet day_ , he and Chrollo would be together again.

 

For now, all he could do was let fate will as she may for in the depth of outcome, where the last bits of existence crumbled away, where time seemed to slow, his body growing cold, _oh so cold_ , and he couldn't even touch the presence of his own Nen. Everything was blanking from the world as it began turning black and Kurapika at last, relaxed, letting himself go limp within his lover's arms, for he knew as his consciousness tricked into vacuity that his time had finally come to a close.

 

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe,_

_I breathe_

 

And that he would breathe no more, the last thing he heard was a lamenting cry.


End file.
